Act Like A Lady…Think Like A Man: Why Not Take Him For A Test Drive?

By: Zara A

Commitment has become an issue for me over the past few years (and ‘No… I was NOT cheated on…Well not to my knowledge!’Lol) I guess my reserved ‘like my own space’ nature coupled with not particularly warming to the idea of becoming vulnerable both play a part. So although the thought of a fairy tale wedding allows my overly-creative imagination to run wild, spending the rest of my life *in theory* with ‘Mr Right’ is a rather daunting yet exciting idea.

The question I’ve recently found myself asking is: Do you think its a good idea to cohabit (live together) before marriage? My mother has made it very clear that its certainly not advisable. She believes you shouldn’t live with and possibly even share a bed with someone until you are married *lips sealed*. My mum is pretty liberal so my ultimate decision shouldn’t be too much of a problem, I hope. But as we all know, views and opinions about what are and are not socially acceptable change with time (well not in many traditional African and Asian households, whereby ‘lea-way’ seems to be a foreign term). Saying this, its interesting how some adults advise you on various topics but in practice are BLATANLY doing the opposite (yes, I am talking from personal experience and I’m sure many of you can relate too). Hmm, a case of ‘do as I say, not as I do’ I’d say.

Anyway, I think its a great idea to live together at first instance, simply because it makes sense. I guess marriage can be seen as a fun and exciting experience, but at the same time it is a serious, life-long commitment. So surely it would make sense to have a trail period? I feel it will allow you to see how peacefully you can get along despite limited personal space, experience each others bad habits as well as exercise your compromising abilities. After all, you wouldn’t buy a car without test-driving it would you? (A pretty lame comparison… I agree, but that’s the best I could come up with after a long day at work). Some may argue that they ‘basically’ live together as they’re almost inseparable, but when you have separate homes you always have the option to retreat to your own space and privately engage in your weird activities and/or habits.

Apparently research has shown that cohabiting relationships tend to be less stable than marriage, which seems logical to me. If the dotted line has not been signed, there is far less obligation to stick around right? Research also suggests that people living together prior to their wedding are more likely to have rocky relationships/break-ups than those who do not cohabit. To be honest, I don’t fully understand how that works. Anyone care to shed some light on the logic behind this assumption?

So guys, do you think its a good idea to cohabit before marriage or not? I’m curious, so please feel free to share your views and experiences.

Stay blessed x

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8 comments on “Act Like A Lady…Think Like A Man: Why Not Take Him For A Test Drive?”

  1. i think that you must have a trial period. sure research shows that its a bad idea, but how else will you truly know who you can stand. i couldnt marry a girl i had never had a home with… i imagine it would be awkward.

  2. hmm.. i agree with your mum about its not advisable to live together before marriage. sharing beds is not an issue which should be debated, but saying that i agree with your mum i am about to contradict myself and say it depends on if you and your partner are even planning on getting married, if not then i think you should move in together but if you do decided to getting married then wait until the day the commitment has been agreed.

  3. first of all boys and girls need to get it out there “Mr Right” / “Mrs Right” implies that your waiting for what we would call that “perfect” someone sorry to burst bubbles but “perfect” dosent exist, lots of relationships dont work out because you/your partner is expecting them to be like a dream partner thus faults/flaws in there personality are highlighted more and imprint on your mind because its not we “expect” from them. You want a long last relationship learn to compromise. (sorry for the rant)

    Now mummy is right, cohabitation isnt advisable not to say there are no benefits of it however and about not sharing a bed….. (the lord will deal with me in this respects snm)
    living with someone i agree with you Z the trail stage to see how you can both be in a home environement would be benefical especially if you believe this relationship is going to lead to marriage.
    But my view is when cohabiting you paint a pricture that when you get the ring on the finger you think life will be the same as before, when fundamentally everything changes, which could cause hard times in your marriage from the get go. I think we can all agree that every Relationship has that honeymoon period, i feel that people who are fully committed in there relationship move in together before marriage to keep that period alive or set it back alight but when all that stuff fades away then the doubts creap in the mind “is this person right for me”

    life has given me many experiences to learn from obviously the experience of marriage is one im yet to experience but thats my view at the momment.

  4. BION I’m ipmsresed! Cool post!

  5. I never thought of it that way, well put!

  6. open you’re own f___kin’ doors

  7. Well i will have to be of the old school and say that cohabiting will ruin the values for marriage. I would love to wait till the ‘I do’s’ before i start the living together with the woman i Love, no test drives…its not a for better or better but for better or worst. There definitely will be issues i will not like but its a commitment to Love someone forever and that process has to grow while we learn about each other.


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